Thoughts
by Jabra Pride
Summary: Rommie contemplates the unthinkable...


John Harmon  
  
Chars. Rommie/Rev  
  
Rommie thinks long and hard over all that she has lost sense the fall of the commonwealth. While thinking about her crew and the other ships that have fallen she thinks the unthinkable…suicide. But Rev comes and departs with some words of wisdom  
  
This is my first peace of Andromeda fan fic. Positive feed back is welcomed…email me at caines_tears@yahoo.com And I do not own Andromeda…this work is not meant to challenge the Andromeda trade mark.  
  
Thoughts  
  
  
'All of them are gone.' Rommie thought as names flashed across her screen at an incredible rate. So far she had read the official casualty list from the fall of the commonwealth several times and a deep ache started to well in her 'heart'.  
She stood up and moved to the window gazing out at the vastness of space. She could imagine the faces of her crew members smiling and laughing just a few weeks before the event at the black hole. She turned away trying to find solace in the list again but tears threatened to let lose so she just stood there.  
'What does it matter anyway? I was made after the fall of the commonwealth anyways.' She thought to herself. She knew that she had no reason to feel this way but by her being connected to the ship she got to experience what the ship had felt. All of those lives gone…all of those families that have lost loved ones…  
"It just is not fair!" She yelled out to no one in particular. She had privacy mode on so she could yell until a normal human could not yell any more and then some. The rage she felt in her heart turned to anger against her self.  
'Why am I bickering at myself for? I was not there…the ship was but not me. I should forget about the crew and the other ships and get on with it.' But she could not. She went to her computer terminal and accesed the former crews diaries skimming through them at a fast rate only reading snippets of each.  
  
'Today the captain said he thought I was doing a good job at the conn…he says I can be put up for a promotion…'  
'A promotion that would never come' She thought to herself.  
'The doctors say back on earth that Lisa will give birth at any moment…the captain says I can take a slip fighter back to earth but a distress signal has come from a colony that's about to be swallowed by a black hole. I think it wise to stay with the ship, besides I can see Lisa and the baby later.' She stopped reading then and dropped her head. This mans last thoughts were of serving the commonwealth of which she stood for.  
"Then there is only one thing that I can do." She thought to herself. She walked to the hollo vid and punched the screen out. She was about to take hold of the conductors and fry her self into oblivion when the door opened.  
Rev Bem stepped inside looking concerned. He stayed where he was however not bothering to approach her but he put out one hand.  
"Rommie please reconsider what you are about to do…this crew needs you and we cannot afford to lose you." She was about to berate him for bypassing the privacy mode but she thought better of it.  
"Rev I cannot…the pain is to much for me to bear…now please leave me." But leave Rev did not. He stood there with a pained look upon his face. She was about to finish the connection when he spoke again.  
"Is this a way for a warship to die? Suicide? The avatar of the greatest high guard ship kills herself because she can no longer bear the pain?" His words stopped her as high guar protocol came to her. She moved her hands away and Rev visibly relaxed.  
"Look at me Rommie…I know where you are coming from. When I was still a wild Magog I impregnated a young woman. She had so much to live for…but I took that away. All I have is a picture to look at of her reminding me of my pain. But the way has taught me that sins of the past can be forgiven." She stared at him seeing the concern for her spread across his face. He was pleading with her to reconsider she knew that much and he did go through his own personal ordeal of anguish.  
"But if I only disobeyed the captain and fired the nova bomb…I could have…I could have."  
"Killed thousands upon thousands of Nietzceans. Would you have bared that burden as well? And besides you were created after the fact. I know that the ship is dealing with what happened and it will take a long time for her and you to forgive yourself but please…suicide is not the way." As he finished her sentence she thought that maybe…just maybe that there was a better way out.  
"Can you teach me how to cope as you have?" Rev smiled and she could tell his heart rate dropped dramatically. He pulled out the wayist book and began to read from it. She moved closer to him as to hear his words better and began to read along with him…  
  
'I am the darkness become light…I am the light become truth…' 


End file.
